Chapter 873
One step, three times, is a childhood hang-up that later turns around and becomes forever.
Airport.
I was planning to go by plane, but after thinking about it, I finally chose the train.
It’s a long way, but the scenery will be great.
The train started and I took out my phone. It was already a big mistake to leave without saying goodbye, so how could I not do it.
The meaning of words is probably that what the mouth can’t say, words can.
”Fu Shen Yan, I’m sorry I left without saying goodbye like this, I came back from Huai’an, I originally thought I had healed and could stay by your side and live a good life with you without worrying, but everything is complicated, in this world, where there is something so easy. The knife wound will still leave scars after it heals, even if it doesn’t hurt anymore, the sight of it will still sting the eyes.”
‘I went to the hospital, the doctor said I couldn’t get pregnant, it was like a dream, the untimely death of that child disqualified me from being a mother, I can’t blame you, I can’t blame Lin Wan, I can only bear it alone, you are my family and loved ones.’
”Gu Han told me that the baby hadn’t suffocated and died when it was born, it was just a bit deformed, you see, I’m not qualified to be a mother at all, he just picked me when he was picking a mother in heaven, because he wanted to be my child so badly, he walked to too fast and forgot to bring something with him, he ran so hard to me and I couldn’t catch him properly. Fu Shen Yan, please forgive me for leaving in such a way again, the four seasons are on you.”
”Fu Shen Yan, I’ll withdraw first, I used to think that when people are hurt, they always have to retaliate back, but then I found out that going round and round is all just a toss up, I don’t want to retaliate against anyone, nor do I want to curse anyone, this game, I’ll withdraw first.”
The train was busy, all the way forward, the green train weaving through the mountains full of flowers in bloom, a little breathtakingly beautiful.
Over the long days, I have seen the lights of strange cities and lush green mountains and forests, occasionally passing through village towns and cities, all in the blink of an eye.
When I think about the years that have passed, it seems to be the same as my past over the years, and when I look back, it seems that everything was just a dream for me.
In this dream, I ended up being a transient.
I arrived in Jingcheng in the early hours of the morning, found a hostel near the station and rested for the night.
When I woke up, it was already noon the next day and I had to change my phone number.
So I went to the mobile company and got a new local card for Jingcheng.
Why did I choose Jingcheng in the end? I think someone once told me that if I wanted to get away from the hustle and bustle, then Jingcheng was the best choice.
It is far more suitable than Huai’an for a lifetime of settlement.
The house that Muzi had bought before was still in my possession, and I left this suite untouched and in the name of the Four Seasons.
After changing the combination lock, packing up and living in it, I was in a bit of a trance. When Muzi and I came to Jingcheng together back then, it seemed like a turn of events.
Gu Han said that the child was buried by him in the Jingcheng cemetery, and as for the reason, it was probably because I had said in a dream that I would take him to live in Jingcheng.
It was so long ago that I can’t remember much about it.
May.
The weather was starting to get hot and on the way to the cemetery, there were quite a few people squatting on the side of the road burning paper money.
Jingcheng is not a big city, the pace of life is slow and most of the people living here are local.
Most people still retain the traditional habits and customs of the older generation, so burning paper money at the cemetery is such a habit, although it has also been stressed many times that it is not allowed.
However, the people are happy to do so and repeatedly teach them, and it is not good to enforce the law with violence, so they just give up.
Chapter 874
If I were to say that I had to cry, there was no way to cry out. The child’s name was given by Gu Han, An Nan, without bearing his surname.
An Yu Nan.
In front of the tombstone, the child’s picture was already blurred and unreadable, and weeds were growing in front of the grave.
I squatted in front of the grave and carefully plucked it out, cleaning up the messy bad situation around it.
Leaning my forehead against the grave, I smiled lightly, “Son, I’m sorry that mommy is just now coming to see you.”
I had avoided it for so many years and had thought it was possible to let it go, but I couldn’t.
Someone was crying in a low voice, a woman who looked to be in her thirties.
I looked sideways at the headstone in front of her, a middle-aged woman who must have been her mother.
Comfort was futile and I chose to remain silent, just watching her cry.
After a long time, the woman stopped crying, noticed me, froze slightly, and instead spoke in a hoarse voice, “You ……”
I smiled lightly, “Came to see the baby!”
As she glanced sideways she noticed the picture on the tombstone, it was a little blurry but she could probably tell that it was a child.
Slightly stunned, she spoke, “How old is it?”
“Full term!” Maybe a little longer.
She looked over at me, her eyes still red, “You see, life is a turn of events.”
I was silent, my eyes shallowly lowered.
When I left the cemetery, the girl hadn’t left yet, she seemed reluctant to go.
She told me a story about a girl, an eight-year-old who had a happy, happy home, a mother and father and a brother, and a family of four that was doing well.
But sometimes, happiness breeds sorrow. Disaster came and took her father with her, and her mother, unable to bear the grief, took her brother and remarried, leaving her to be raised by her grandmother.
The grandmother is a divine woman who earns a meagre income by reading people’s fortunes, and that is how her presence makes her already unpromising life even more difficult.
So, her grandmother gave her the bitterness and pain of life in the form of insults and beatings, and the young one, in the end, chose the most extreme way to end her life at her own father’s grave.
When she told me this, I was a bit stunned, not understanding why she was telling me this to a stranger.
My heart was shocked, so I didn’t think much of it.
In the end, Jingcheng was not the place for me, and I had only come here to see my children.
I went back to my flat and had a long sleep. In my dream, I vaguely saw the child waving goodbye to me.
I woke up from my dream in tears, crying, and could not fall asleep for a long time.
The memory was torn open and it hurt so much that it ripped my heart out.
The next day.
When I went downstairs to buy breakfast, I heard the owner of the bun shop chatting with her husband.
“There was a young girl who killed herself last night at the Leshan cemetery, it’s a pity.” The words were full of regret.
His husband, while busy, said, “Don’t you listen to those words blindly.”
She raised her voice for a moment and said, “I’m not listening blindly, it’s true, I got up this morning and saw it posted in my circle of friends, it’s not on the news yet, but it will be in a while, don’t believe me, wait and see.”
His husband sighed, probably because he thought she was being a bit paranoid.
The couple had a tacit understanding, one loading the buns for the customers and the other collecting the money, but they didn’t delay any of them.
I saw the news of the woman’s suicide, slitting her wrists, only after I returned to the flat.