Chapter 719
These days, I seem to be getting a bit muddled again, not knowing what I’m going to do, without direction or planning, my mind is a mess.
After settling the Four Seasons down, I went to my study and watched the videos after all.
Those days when I was taken away by Gu Han four years ago are almost a blur of memory.
I knew how well he had treated me, but all the details in between, I had chosen to forget.
The video was turned on and it was a familiar scene and people at which villa in the southern suburbs of the capital.
After the baby was taken away, I didn’t want to look at it, so I hissed and ran away.
Gu Han’s care and tolerance was recorded in the video in bits and pieces.
During those days, I broke down from time to time, sometimes waking up in the middle of the night, looking for a knife to kill myself in the villa, and when Gu Han blocked it, the knife hurt him by mistake so as not to hurt me, these memories are not clear to me, but I do know that Gu Han had a scar on his stomach.
I have not seen anything sharp since at the villa in the southern suburbs.
The video was long and I didn’t watch it all, knowing full well that watching it would increase the guilt inside, so I turned it off.
Why should everything be made clear? Life is happiest when you are confused.
My grandmother used to say that only stupid women can live their lives happily.
Because they know how to forget, they know how to let go, they always care about what’s in front of them.
In the evening, I received a phone call from Ivana Lin.
The woman on the other end of the line, her voice choked with a hidden pain, said, “Shen Shu, this is …… mother!”
What kind of state of mind?
I didn’t push hard enough, my heart was vaguely guilty of pain, not really resentment or anger, just helplessness.
She had cost me the life of a child, how was I to face her?
After a long moment, I spoke, “What is it?”
The tone, which I tried to control, was not cold, but definitely not friendly.
The other end of the phone, she sighed helplessly, “If you don’t want to see me, I won’t force you, but, child, you still have a long road ahead of you, no matter what, make sure you don’t make yourself regret it.
I was silent and did not open my mouth to respond, not because I had nothing to say, but because I saw the man who had walked into the study.
He hadn’t seen him in just over ten hours, and his face was a little pale, his dark eyes were powerless and sickly.
Chen Yi said he had spent the night kneeling at Mo’s house, sick and in hospital.
“Hang up first!” Speaking into the phone, I spoke, putting down the phone in my hand, my eyes falling on the man walking towards me.
Four eyes met, his dark eyes infiltrated with tenderness, with a touch of helplessness, “Chen Yi said you didn’t eat in the morning or at night, why do you care so little about yourself?”
I looked at him and spoke, “I’m not hungry!” Without bothering to ask if he was well and why he wasn’t staying in the hospital.
He walked towards me, his palms hot as hell, “Eat some with me later, it’s not good to be too skinny.”
He pulled me towards the stairs, his steps a little heavy, it looked like he was afraid he had returned without his fever subsiding.
I followed him, watching his back, some vague pain flooding through me.
“With the press capturing the news of your hospitalisation and the attack on Fu, have you thought about what to do about it?” It was all in the water.
He stared back, his gaze falling on me, “Are you happy to stay with me?”
I froze slightly and was silent for a long time, “I haven’t thought about leaving.”
Not happy, but at least at ease.
Chapter 720
He smiled lightly, “Good.” There were so many meanings to this good that I couldn’t guess.
At the table, I didn’t have much of an appetite, but he had served food, and if I didn’t eat it, he would always worry, so I ate it all.
After the meal, I went back to the bedroom, my stomach was a little upset, but I could bear it.
Fu Shenyan was in the study, I took a break and suddenly remembered that I hadn’t taken out the USB drive I had put in my computer.
I don’t mean to deliberately hide it from him, but it would be bad for him to see the past.
I left the bedroom and went to the study, the door of which was half-closed.
He was sitting in front of his computer when I suddenly entered, and he stared back at me for a moment, his gaze cold and withdrawn.
The dark eyes were tinged with a bit of alienation.
I couldn’t help but feel a stutter in my heart, knowing that, he had watched the video.
“It’s getting late, are you going to bed?” I spoke, standing in the doorway, slightly at a loss for words.
He pursed his lips and a few light smiles appeared in his gaze, the original stoicism receding as he spoke, “Sleep later.”
I nodded, keeping myself as emotionally stable as possible as I walked towards him, my gaze falling on the screen and I couldn’t help but stiffen violently.
On the screen was an image from the villa in the southern suburbs, and he was watching it after all.
I opened my mouth, wanting to say something, but nothing seemed to come out.
“At that time, in your heart, you resented me, didn’t you?” He spoke, his voice clear and cold.
I pursed my lips, pulled the USB stick out, my emotions gentled, sat down next to him and huffed slightly, “At first I also thought I was resenting you, but then I gradually figured out that at that time it was more about blaming myself and being scared, it was my fault for not being able to keep the baby.”
He lifted his hand and smoothed the hair behind my ear, “It wasn’t your fault.”
I lowered my eyes, unwilling to dwell on the emotion, and looked up at him, smiling lightly, “What were you thinking about yesterday when it snowed so much?”
Seeing me like that, he laughed out of his way, “I thought you would be heartbroken.”
“But if I had opened my mouth, you wouldn’t have been able to get past that in your heart, would you?” There are wounds buried in the heart, not just for him, but for me as well.
One wrong step, one wrong step.
Mo Fei Lin said, in fact, the one who suffered the most was Fu Shen Yan, starting from the exchange of dna, he originally did it for you, but in the end, it turned out that it was him who pushed you into the deep sea, what he destroyed was the love between you, and a living child.
Late at night, he has to endure the torture and torment of his mind.
He reached out, pulling me closer into his arms, taking a shallow breath, his voice low, “Shen Shu, it’s too cheap to say you’re sorry, too hypocritical to say you’ll make amends, stay with me, if you’re in pain, I’ll let go.”
I raised my arms, wrapped them around his waist, buried my head in his arms and sighed slightly, “Mofilin said that if people want to continue living, they have to look forward, occasionally looking back is nostalgia for staying, but turning back frequently is stagnation, so we can’t always look back.”
He put his arm around me and stopped talking.
The relationship between two people, from the beginning of mutual attraction to mutual dependence, I know those past hurts, but even so, the rest of life is still long.
Let time pa*s.
Back in the bedroom, my stomach was still churning uncomfortably as he showered in the bathroom and forced himself to go out on the balcony.
He came out of the bathroom with a bath towel wrapped around his waist, his shoulders wide and his waist narrow, looking at his body shape and physique, calling the phrase – male confusion.
I couldn’t help but smile at the thought.
He looked at me, his brow tinged with a deep colour, “What are you laughing at?”